A psychologist explained the causes of the "I am myself syndrome" in women after 40

Women over the age of 40 often develop an attitude towards full independence, which affects their relationships and behavior. Psychologist Veronika Akhmetova told Izvestia about the reasons for this phenomenon on May 4.

According to the expert, past experience plays a key role. By this age, many women have already faced disappointments in relationships, so they begin to perceive reliance on another person as a source of risk.

"By the age of forty, a woman had already been burned more than once, invested in relationships, felt like her needs were being ignored. She trusted a man, relied on him, but he let her down, devalued her. And the brain records such a reaction that relying on another person is pain and instability," Akhmetova said.

The psychologist emphasized that independence can become a defensive strategy. So, a woman is afraid to ask for help, because she perceives refusal as confirmation of her own uselessness. Another factor is the social attitudes formed in the 1990s and 2000s, when the image of a "strong woman who can do everything on her own" became the norm. The expert added that this often leads to mistakes in relationships — competition with a partner, devaluation of his help and fear of showing weakness.

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"A man who does not see vulnerability, feminine tenderness, does not feel his need. His defender function is not in demand. And he goes to a place where he is appreciated," the specialist clarified.

According to her, one of the causes of conflicts is the desire for control, when a woman believes that only she can do everything right. The psychologist noted that to change the situation, it is important to work with internal attitudes and learn to trust. As a practice, the expert recommended thanking for help more often and gradually learning to delegate.

According to her, even simple exercises, such as regular requests for help, help reduce anxiety and change behavior patterns. The psychologist added that "I myself syndrome" can become one of the causes of breakups if a woman ceases to see the meaning in a relationship without receiving emotional support. The expert emphasized that the key to solving the problem is not to give up independence, but to balance independence and trust in a partner.

Natalia Vorobyeva, a volunteer psychologist at the Oncologica Foundation and CBT therapist, said on April 30 that the habit of postponing important decisions and personal desires for later can form a person's so—called "spare life" syndrome, a condition that creates the illusion that real life will begin later. According to her, the information environment also has an impact. Social media reinforces the feeling that "real life" is happening somewhere outside of the current moment. This creates an inner sense of scarcity and dissatisfaction, which accumulates over time.